Cause and Effect...

Joe: "Grandma, did you know that the more food you eat, the more boogers you get?"

Grandma: "Oh really?"

Joe: "yep its true.  But Grandpa's got a big nose so he doesn't have anything to worry about!"

You know you're in the club when....

Today at daycare, Joey shared this  pearl of knowledge with his daycare provider Jennifer.

Joey:  "So, do you know why dogs sniff other dogs butts?"

Jennifer: "No, I don't"

Joey: "It's their secret Hand Shake!" 

So proud I am.... so proud. My child is a wealth of knowledge... and apparently knows about the secret code of dog club...

A Historic Find..

Joe was outside digging holes in the back yard. All of a sudden I hear:

Joe:  "MOM!!!!... Look what I found!!  Its wood!!"

Me: "Cool Joe, Do you think it's old?"

Joe: "Definitely.  I'd say it's from the 1980's...."

Good Find Joe.  Good Find.

Thinking about the future...

Joe: "I'd like to be a Fireman when I grow up"

Grandma: "Well that's a good job Joey,  but what about an Engineer since you like to draw so much "

Me: "Ya Joe, you could design bridges, buildings, sky scrapers, houses, lots of things"

Joey: " Hmm.. I guess I would really like to be an ILLUSTRATOR"

Me: "Gees Joe, that's a big word"

**Joe smiled really big, with a Very satisfied look on his face**

Touché Joe, Touche'.

Professionals Only....

Jennifer:  "Joey, I really like the apples you drew"

Joey: " Thanks.... but don't try this at home"

Out of nowhere

Joe: "We had a new teacher today, she wasn't that old. Definitely not as old as Mrs. moser"

 Me: "Joe, did you know that grandma and Mrs Moser are probably the same age?"

Joe: ***eyes got really big****

Joe: "I did NOT see THAT coming!!"

Politically Correct?!

Joe: "Mom, Do you remember when Grandma was fat?"

Me: "Joe, that's NOT a nice word!"

Joe **thinking about a better way to say it**

Joe: "Mom, Do you remember when Grandma....was carrying a little extra weight?"

Me: *giggling* "Yes Joe, thanks for being nice about it" 

Joe: "Sure"

Presidential Trivia

Joe: "Hey Dad, did you know that the first President of the United States was George Washington?"

Tim: "That's cool Joe, Good Job!"

Joe: "..and the second President was Abraham Lincoln...... no wait..... My Bad....he was the 16th!"

Tim: *laughing* "Good to know Joe, Thank you"

Joe the "Genius"

On a recent February day Joe "The Genius" Fisher decided to fulfill a long time dream (1 month is a long time if you are 5 ½ yrs old) of obtaining a set of deer antlers.

Joe knew that deer are tricky (his grandpa told him so) and that he would need to be extra stealthy.  While the deer walk freely through grandpa's yard, Joe's yard is fenced.  So the best way to get the deer inside the yard was to set a trap and bait it.  An apple was thought to be the best bait, but how to construct a trap? 

Well, Joe thought it through and, with the help of some garage items, spent the afternoon piecing together the "Ultimate Deer Trap". First he setup the trip wire …and placed a rock on top of the tuna can (so the deer would be scared and walk into the trip wire); then he baited the trap with an apple; so the idea was the deer would step on the aluminum tray, go to eat the apple but trip over the trip wire causing his antlers to then fall in the garbage lid carefully placed on the sandbox…. And Voila! The "Ultimate Deer Trap" was set.  Joe went off to bed confident that in the morning a set of antlers would be waiting for him.

Joe awoke early the next morning and ran to the porch door to check his trap.  Alas, the apple remained intact and the sandbox was free of antlers.  Joe was upset because the deer had not visited the backyard.  He frowningly confronted his mother about the fact that SHE had closed the gate that he had left open for the deer's easy access to the yard.  And so he left for school with his long time dream still unfulfilled.

Tim, (seeing Joe’s crushed expression), knew he HAD to find a pair of antlers for the trap.  He spent time that day going around to flea markets and swap meets searching for a set.  Finally, he found a set of small antlers (they even had fuzz on them) and, after some serious negotiations, they were his.  After Joe was in bed that night, Tim took the bait apple - poked holes in it to look like deer bites-sprung the trap, and laid the antlers in the sand box.

Joe awoke the next morning; ran to the porch door; and lo & behold, there they were – a real life set of antlers!!  Joe ran out-grabbed the antlers and came running into the house wide eyed yelling "Mom I got antlers – I got antlers"!  Then, all of a sudden it dawned on him –"I am a genius-Mom, I am a GENIUS  - I AM A GENIUS!!"

Well, Joe simply had to take the antlers to school for show and tell – he needed to tell his friends about the trap and what he genius he is.  Dad, knowing what the teacher might say, smartly explained that Joe had to keep this a secret because it was "Not deer hunting season, and Joe might get in trouble for illegally taking deer antlers away from the deer. And so it is now a family secret that Joe has "illegally" obtained deer antlers of which he VERY proud.  It is not a secret that he is a very happy, confident, little boy/hunter.  Who was more stealthy (a word that means a lot to him) than the deer!

Moral of story – Having hopes and dreams is good and, if you are willing to put effort into them, those hopes and dreams can come true! (Especially if you are a "GENIUS")

The Trap

The Prize!!

August 16, 2011

Joe speaking to my parents neighbors at the TOP of his Lungs, "HEY DUDE!!!! Keep it DOWN!!... Your scaring MY CHICKENS!!"

August 8, 2011

"Hey Dad", did you know I can run almost as fast as I can talk?" ....."Think about it"

August 1, 2011

Joe"Mom, are eyeballs... Balls?

me: "yes"

Joe: " Then I have some HUGE BALLS!!"

July 26, 2011

Tim:"Gees Joe, please just get dressed!"

 Joe: " Dad?"

Tim:" Yes, Joe?"

Joe:" It's hardwork being a parent sometimes, huh?"

Tim: *giggling*"Yes, Joe it is".

July 11, 2011

Joe loves to cook. Grandma Joan calls him "Little Chef" infact. Well on Saturday Joe was over at Joan & Bills making "dinner" when (per Joan)...."Little Chef watches me slice and dice for a few seconds then, as he turns to go back into HIS kitchen (aka the pantry), and he says "Gramma Joan - I LIKE what you do. Maybe we can work together sometime!".

July 11, 2011

Joe: ""Mom, I'm pretty tired, I think I need a good THUNDER nap!"

me: "sweetie, I think you mean POWER nap. but yes, thunder naps work too"

July 3, 2011

"Mom, today is my birthday. It's the day the God takes away your 4, and gives you a 5!"

June 10, 2011

The other day Joe and Tim were wrestling, They had stopped for a minute and Tim thought they were done. All of a sudden Joe says" Anyway....." and punches Tim in the stomach. It completely caught Tim off guard and knocked the wind out of him a bit. Joe started to laugh and said "That didn't even hurt my fist...... cause my bones are made out of steel". Tim and I totally cracked up.

June 10, 2011

me:"Hey Joe, how'd you get that bruise on your arm??"

Joe:" Oh that?!... that's what happens when you show off your muscles too much"

June 6, 2011

"Grandma, it's soo cold! What do the numbers say?" Grandma: "What numbers?" Joe: " You know, the numbers on the on the radio" grandma:" 50 degrees"
Joe:" Well GEESH... NO wonder!!!"

June 2, 2011

Joe: "Hey mom, will you take me to the store to get some Flamangos?"

me: "huh?"

Joe:"You know, Flamangos, the fruit"

me: "ohhhh... honey I think you mean MANGOS"

Joe: "Yep, that's them".

May 18, 2011

"Grandma, will you make me a fruit salad with Antelope... please?"

May 2, 2011

Joe just came in to the office where I'm working, tooted and said "That's all I have to share with you, momma".

awesome.

April 28, 2011

"Hey mom, wanna know how God make people? With a REALLY BIG piece of paper and some scissors!"

April 17, 2011

"Hey Mom, is this a picture of you and me and daddy, but not Andrew? Andrew was still in outer space cause God didn't put him into your belly yet?"

me: "...um, yep"

April 6, 2010

Joe:" Check out that Doo-doo! hahaha"

Grandma:" Joe, that is not a nice word"

Joe: "oh, that's just Spanish for Tractor, grandma"

March 29, 2011

Joe to kids in pool: "Hey Guys, wanna come up and see my private stuff?"

 Kids in pool (collectively): "Whaat???"

Joe: "You know, I got some new PIRATE stuff today"

March 11, 2011

Me:"Joe, please don't use your sleeve to wipe that up!"

Joe: "Why? it's workin pretty good!"

March 1, 2011

"Grandpa, why DO flies land on poop? that's just gross"

February 28, 2011

Joe: "Dad, my friends are going to give me $100!"

Tim: "Wow Joe, none of my firends give me $100"

Joe: "Get different friends"

February 14, 2011

"Grandma, I really don't appreciate you annoying me!"

February 5, 2011

Joe had to go to the Dentist on Thursday. It's a pediatric dentist, so it's decked out with video games on the ceiling and everything. The Dental assistant asked Joe what video he'd like to play during his appt. Joe replied with, "Got anything where you shoot animals?" ... (Joe's favorite Wii game is Buck Hunter).. needless to say... he was a little bummed that all they had was Super Mario.

February 2, 2011

OK, so I thought it was time that I posted a sweet one.

Joe:" Momma, did you know that some people are fat, and some people are skinny, and it's all ok because that's just the way God made us!"

January 31, 2011

Joe & Tim were in the car.

Tim: "Joe, are you warm enough?"

Joe: no answer.

Tim:"Joe are you WARM ENOUGH?"

Joe: no answer

Tim:"Joe?"

Joe: "YES GOSH"

Tim: "Geesh, buddy calm down"

Joe: "GEESH YOU!...I'm looking out the window, I don't really want to be Fathered right now!"

January 30, 2011

Joe: "Hey Grandpa"

Grandpa:"ya"

Joe: "You see those big birds over there"

Grandpa: "ya"

Joe: Well those big birds can really haul ass!"

... apparently Joe has picked up some choice phrases from Billy the Exterminator.

January 24, 2011

Tonight, Joe was calling his cousin to wish him a Happy birthday. But the answering machine came on so Tim told him to leave a message after the beep. Joe said "...OR press one for more Auctions!"

January 24, 2011

"Momma, did you know I Looooove Champagne!"
me: "What?!?!"
Joe: "I LOOOVE Champagne!"
Me: "Joe, you've never had champagne!?!"
Joe:"What was that the other night then?"
Me: " Calamari."
Joe: "oh"
 ..... he cracks me up.

January 22, 2011

"But Mom!.... I don't want to watch Seasame Street!!!... I've been watching it for 20 YEARS!!!"

January 17, 2011

Joe's latest obsession is with "Billy the Exterminator". He would watch the wild hog episode over and over. It would get to the point where he would start narrating the scenes. In one dramatic scene, they trapped the wild boars. At this part, Joe screams "HERE COMES THE WILD HOARS!!" Apparently, he got the word Boar and Hog mixed up.

January 11, 2011

Joe:"Hey Richard!!".. Grandma:"..or GRANDPA.." Joe: " OR....RICHARD!!"

January 8, 2011

"Grandpa, It's soo cold!!.. The wind is going through my Frickin' coat AND my frickin' shirt!!"

December 27, 2010

"Hey Dad, are you ick-lergic to bees? "
"Yes, Joe, I'm Allergic to bees"
"Well, I'm ick-lergic to anything that bites!"

December 24, 2010

" Hey Joe, what show does Dad like?"

Joe: "TUNA Half Men"

December 23, 2010

"Mom, I just tried to wash my hands, had the water running and everything. Then I pushed on the soap and.... BAM!!! nothing!"

December 22, 2010

" Hey Mom, want to know why we don't have girlfriends? ... Because they just steal your food!"

December 20, 2010

"Ooohh Mom, I just stuck my hand in Andrew's Gerber!!"

December 17, 2010

Tim @ the mall:" Sweet, Rockstar parking!"

Joe: "Dad, Santa's a Rockstar"

December 3, 2010

"Mom, will you scratch my back?"
"Dad, if you want to help, you can scratch my feet"

November 25, 2010

Tim: "Joe, do you know what a Thesaurus is?"

 Joe:" Ya, it's a T-Rex!"

November 21, 2010

Mom: "Joe, What are you doing to your brother?"
Joe: "It's ok, he thinks he's one of us!"

November 16, 2010

"Mom, don't yell at me now, I've got a headache. 'Cause when you yell at me, my headache yells back!"

November 15, 2010

Joe got in trouble this morning for waking up his brother. As I carried
Andrew into the living room, Joe was eating his breakfast. I gave him a
look that showed I was still unhappy. Joe looked up from his breakfast,
saw my expression, gave a huge sigh and said" OH COME ON!!"

November 12, 2010

"Mom, I had this dream that I was on an elevator, then I got off and turned around and saw my bear and my backpack still in the elevator. The doors closed and I couldn't reach to push the button. So it just went up and down and up and down. It was awful..."

November 11, 2010

Joe: "Hey Mom, I just tooted on Lilo's head!"
me: "Joe, that wasn't very nice"
Joe: " It's A LOT funnier than you think!"

November 5, 2010

Joe: "Hey guys, come watch, I'm spankin my dad's butt"

Tim: "Joe, that's not my butt, that's my face"

Me: "HAHAHAHA...that's awesome!"

November 1, 2010

"Joe, please hold still so I can put your costume on"

Joe: "As you command....your highness"

October 30, 2010

The other night we had company over for dinner and Joe went to the bathroom, about 5 minutes later, I hear Joe calling for our guest. I went in there and asked why he was calling for him. He just smiled. I said," Joe, he is NOT going to help you clean yourself" and Joe said,"YES HE IS! Because he's NOT a frickin JERK!"

October 25, 2010

"Momma, did you know when you toot it's just the Robot inside of you tell you he has to poop?"

Thanks for the heads up Joe!

October 17, 2010

Tim and Joe were taking Lilo for a walk tonight. A stray dog came up and Lilo was not happy about it. Tim was holding Lilo back until the owner got the dog back on a leash. After they left Joe said" Hey Dad, next time, just let Lilo finish her business!"

October 11, 2010

"Dad, how would you like it if I was BIG, and YOU were LITTLE, and I told YOU to stop smearing things on the window, it would hurt your feelings!! Wouldn't it!!"

October 8, 2010

Joe got out of the car this morning and started clucking like a chicken. He looked over at me and said "Didn't know I could speak chicken, did ya?"

October 1, 2010

Tonight while leaving daycare, his daycare lady said "Joe, I put your ball in your bag" and with out missing a beat, he turned around, grabbed his crotch, and said" No, my balls are in my pants!" ~another proud parenting moment for me. lol!!

September 24, 2010

"Mom, Did you know Jesus was a Doctor? He went around giving everyone shots and making them better"

September 22, 2010

The other day, Joe was very serious and he told his grandpa "Listen Grandpa.... you just might learn something!"

September 21, 2010

Another oldie but goodie: Q&A with Joe-

Q:What do Momma cows make? A: White milke
Q: What do Daddy cows make? A: Burgers (as in cooking them)
Q: What do Grandma cows make? A: Chocolate milk
Q: What do Grandpa cows make? A: Trouble!

September 21, 2010

Joe:" Hey Dad, where do Werewovles come from?"

Tim: "I don't know"

Joe:" NO dad, where do werewolves come from?"

Tim: "Joe, I.. don't... know!"

Joe: " DAD.. IF YOU JUST TELL ME....I'LL STOP ASKING!"

September 20, 2010

So Tim was letting Joe steer the car tonight on the 1/2 block drive to grandmas.

Tim:"Ok, now turn left.....ok, not so much...."

Joe:"DAD!!...... I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!!"

September 17, 2010

Joe decided he was going to help his dad work on his truck. After about 15 minutes Joe said "Hey Dad, Do you think we should call Handy Manny? He knows how to fix everything" Dad: " Do you think Handy knows more then me?" Joe: " Umm... ya"

September 16, 2010

"Mom, is that a whale?"

" yes, it is."

" Is that it's tail?"

"No honey, it's his dorsal fin."

 "what's a dorkle-sin?"

September 15, 2010

Last night at dinner, Joe looked at his dad, completely straight-faced and said "You sly dog, you got me mo-do-lodging". Apparently he's been watching a little too much Incredibles.

September 14, 2010

"Geesh Dad, you ALMOST broke my armpit!" is what I woke up to this morning. Apparently Tim was giving Joe a morning hug.

September 14, 2010

Joe: "Man, all this coughing makes me feel like a kid again"

September 14, 2010

Joe: "Mom, do we have a boat?"

Me: "no dear, we don't"

Joe: "Well we should buy one"

Me: "oh ya? with what money?"

Joe: "*Sigh* Mom, I don't know, that's just the way God wants it".

September 13, 2010

Me: "Joe, what do you want for breakfast?"

Joe:"Hmmmm... I think I'd like some Fruiti Pedals, please"

September 12, 2010

Joe was taking a long time in the bathroom, so his dad knocked on the door. "What are you doing in there?".....silence. So he knocks again "Joe, What are you doing?".. silence. So he opens the door, Joe's sitting on the potty, and looks him dead in the eye and says, "I'M READING, Geesh! ".

September 10, 2010

Joe: A "rearin"? What the heck is a "rearin Grandma?

Grandma: No sweetie, a REAR-END.

 Joe: "Ooooh!... geesh grandma, why didn't you just say Butt?"

September 10, 2010

Grandpa:" Hey Joe, your shoes are on backwards" Joe: <crossing his feet> " How 'bout now?"